Create.

On my mind.

40 Days.

From an email I received:
Friends, I am deeply saddened to write with the news of Landy and Jevenal's tragic accident. I don't have emails for everyone who may remember the wonderful experiences at Proyecto Amistad with this faithful couple, especially the times that Landy would drive from Monclova to Acuna just to visit us when we were there. When more details are forthcoming, I will forward them. Please keep their son and daughter and their families in your prayers.



Imagine this, dear friends: the smell of the dust of Mexico, the broken grass, the morning's rusty dew, and the sheen of the midday sun just beginning to rise. You are climbing into a van - the 15 passenger kind, where all the best stories begin. You are going on a picnic you hear. VBS (Vacation Bible School) is complete, a week's worth of mixing cement on a slab floor, of sawing away at rebar, of breaking your back with a shovel and a wheelbarrow, is about to be rewarded.

You are just 16. And the world, is a stage. Your young heart breaks for meaning, it stumbles to understand the story - Why are we here? What should we do? Why am I living in comfort?

But for now, she grips your hand with hers, and assures you, "This is going to be beautiful day." These, the hands that knead the dough - the bread you break - the hands that lay the stones, that make the walls that house the songs of joy, the tears of sorrow, and oh, all the battles of the mind. These hands with one ring, and wrinkles to match the eyes. These hands, which have grasped together in prayer, which have been kissed by children, by a faithful husband.

It is all so simple out here.

You gaze outside the windows and smile wide, "Alabare, alabare, alabare... alabare a mi Senor!" and sing to the God of Creation, hiccuping with the bumps, nudging your friends at the ribs. Along the dirt road a cloud of dust follows you into the desert and you are convinced you are an Israelite today.

The grill is fired and dozens of little foil pockets sit ready for the taking: potatoes, whole onions, meat, and fruits - this is Eden. With the smell of work on your body and redemption in the air, you take to the waterfall nearby. You are skipping stones, surveying cliffs, and guessing at how deep you might fall if you took the plunge.

You are happy. You are in wonder. You are grateful.

In one day, there are so many emotions, and so many places to feel that the heart has been tugged. I feel taken back to this time - a version of myself that is now so far away from who I am, but still, so exactly the same.

We are all aware of the unpredictability of life - we teeter on it's edge, and in a way, we are all daredevils of a sort. We are sure that what is in front of us matters, that it will be there, that it is worth our lives. When will we take stock of the whole of life if we are busy doing laundry, making money, being on hold, and pencilling in the next thing? I'm not sure when I will. I believe it will be too late.

Life: the one thing you've been given and your most prized possession - it is not guaranteed and does not come with a warranty.

It is the season of Lent, and as Rowan Williams has said, this is the season of simplicity, of being reminded of mortality, of stripping the self - not to deny oneself pleasure - but instead, to make way for the new.

It has been one of my goals for the new year to allow for this contemplative part of myself to resurface and breathe life into my days. I miss it. Like, more than I miss dairy, or coffee, or chocolate when I take time away from them... and here I am having years without a journal entry.

Strange.

It's been a long time since I've observed Lent, but it's also been a long time since I've given myself the time to think about doing so - sometimes, the time to think needs only to be taken. This Lent, starting with tonight, I'd like to complete 40 days of devotion, where devotion is defined at best in writing. Every day, I will read and/or write about how this theme of "devotion" plays out. Second to music, writing is my best medium, and a much easier way to look back and continue to wonder.

I love this piece of music.

A letter to my little cousin Abby, on her birthday.

My cousin Esther is putting together a really neat thing for her daughter Abby for her birthday - she's asked a lot of friends and family to write her a little letter about things they want to say to her that she could really have forever. This is my letter to her:

Dear Beautiful Miss Abby,

What a lady you are turning out to be! I feel like it was only yesterday I found out your mother (who used to chase me around your Grandmother's yard with pretend bugs in her hand as a joke when I was your age) was now going to be a mother. I can't imagine what a privilege that is - and I hope she doesn't chase you with bugs ;)

Every year of becoming older is exciting because it means new things can happen and all kinds of changes occur. You have new memories of great friends and beautiful moments and you have everything to look forward to. At the same time though, you gain all kinds of responsibilities, you make all kinds of new mistakes, and sometimes this is really hard.

Know that no matter what you are loved. You are loved, of course, by your family and your friends. But most of all, you are loved by God, not because you are always right, or always perfect (although it's true that you are pretty amazing), and not because you will always feel like you love him but absolutely in spite of the fact that sometimes you will mess up. You are a truly unique part of his creation and someone he delights in - just because you're you!

Messing up really is a part of life though. You will have to learn over and over again to mess up and try again. It's just the way things go! I hope you are never afraid to try new things just because they're hard, or kind of scary! Because you have all this love behind you you can follow your heart and know that it will take you to great places - but you will always have all this love to fall back on.

I love you, lady! I'm so proud to know you and watch you grow!

Lots of love,

Erin

“You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.”
― Annie Dillard