Progress.

THE SNATCH.


THE CLEAN AND JERK. (This one was a PR... :))


More inspiration.

Dreaming big.

Inspired by this.

Icebergs.

Annie Dillard has written: “There is no such thing as a solitary polar explorer, fine as the conception is.” We do not face the world alone. We cannot.

But do we sometimes want to? Yes.

“The interior life is often stupid. Its egoism blinds it and deafens it; its imagination spins out ignorant tales, fascinated. It fancies that the western wind blows on the Self, and leaves fall at the feet of the Self for a reason, and people are watching. A mind risks real ignorance for the sometimes paltry prize of an imagination enriched. The trick of reason is to get the imagination to seize the actual world- if only from time to time.” - Annie Dillard

A sermon about Annie Dillard - a woman who I think I think like.

I'm gonna learn to love without fear.

This weekend reminded me of this song.

The below is so not for Facebook :)


i am so glad and very
merely my fourth will cure
the laziest self of weary
the hugest sea of shore

so far your nearness reaches
a lucky fifth of you
turns people into eachs
and cowards into grow

our can'ts were born to happen
our mosts have died in more
our twentieth will open
wide a wide open door

we are so both and oneful
night cannot be so sky
sky cannot be so sunful
i am through you so

ee cummings

Sometimes...

don't you just want to climb one of these and sit in it for a while?

Been a while again...

Dusty Life.

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~Berthold Auerbach

If you aren't creating something every day in some way... I would make time to do this. We are creators by nature, I think.

Playing in fountains, tomatoes, and death (yup).

"There is always the temptation in life to diddle around making itsy-bitsy friends and meals and journeys for years on end. It is all so self conscious, so apparently moral...But I won't have it. The world is wilder than that in all directions, more dangerous...more extravagant and bright. We are...raising tomatoes when we should be raising Cain, or Lazarus."
— Annie Dillard

Once upon a time someone told me that I was a little like a walking contradiction in that I wanted peace so badly, while simultaneously wanting so many things that don't make for peace. In that particular situation I was feeling especially unsatisfied by my small college in a small state doing small things. I had grand memories of flying around the world to serve people in dire need or just this growing sense that everything around me wasn't important enough.

What I have learned since then, I suppose, is that there are worlds in people... and beyond that, worlds of hurt. No community is without its beggars, its bullies, and its diamonds in the rough.

I have learned that every human being needs a reason to believe that living is important. Otherwise, the burden of living tends to be too much for one person to shoulder.

This morning I walked from 12th and Locust to find 13th Street riddled with flashing lights. Apparently around 2am this morning a young man attempted suicide. Just a few minutes ago, I saw a girl about 15 years old with her Father slowly walking down the street toward their car (parked in front of the gym). She was sobbing uncontrollably and he was wide-eyed and persed his lips.

For every piece of a day that feels like this - that feels like death - that feels like nothing could be gilded in greatness, and nothing could be worth living for - there is a human being somewhere who ultimately makes the choice to do more than just be, but rather, live.

Living is not always beautiful, mysterious, or grand - sometimes it is gettin' money, going to sleep on time, and making your own damn meals. I believe that it's ok if that's what we see most of the time. I'm also a firm believer in taking the time to see through all that muck to the gilded moments. It's been said that belief can change your world. Simply stated, I think what you choose to notice can change your beliefs.

I think every day we must make that choice - and that all of us, in some small way, are heroes. For the record, that's not the same thing as calling everyone special. It is heroic to think of what a human being can do with one life - how much love can be poured out, how much thought, art, music, and narrative. And yet, all of these great things take one thing: work.

"What does it feel like to be alive?
Living, you stand under a waterfall. You leave the sleeping shore deliberately; you shed your dusty clothes, pick your barefoot way over the high, slippery rocks, hold your breath, choose your footing, and step into the waterfall. The hard water pelts your skull, bangs in bits on your shoulders and arms. The strong water dashes down beside you and you feel it along your calves and thighs rising roughly backup, up to the roiling surface, full of bubbles that slide up your skin or break on you at full speed. Can you breathe here? Here where the force is the greatest and only the strength of your neck holds the river out of your face. Yes, you can breathe even here. You could learn to live like this. And you can, if you concentrate, even look out at the peaceful far bank where you try to raise your arms. What a racket in your ears, what a scattershot pummeling!
It is time pounding at you, time. Knowing you are alive is watching on every side your generation's short time falling away as fast as rivers drop through air, and feeling it hit."
— Annie Dillard (An American Childhood) <----- I really need to read this book again.

I can't figure out how to do this any other way...

So you'll have to put up with a shot of what my gym looks like :)

Maybe it's a stupid question...

but do you think things just complicated the older we get? Or is that just how we feel the more present we are?

It's Sunday Morning...

and I have a few observations to make:

1) Salt-n-Pepa radio on Pandora might give many people one more reason to live.
2) Minivans are amazing. The more people you add, the better.
3) Ginger and Chamomile, my current favorite fix for "Fran Cough".
4) It's still cold here. That's just mean.
5) When you accept a situation, acting appropriately and cooperatively becomes SO much easier. Like, immediately. So if you feel frustrated about something, accept it. See what happens.

Basset Hounds running on a beach. Yeah. You just need to see this. Many thanks to Reid Hurley.

I will consider myself to have arrived in life

when I have enough gall, money, time, space and peace to actually get a dog.

You know, for those days when you want to feel like a lady.

The dress must not hang on the body but follow its lines. It must accompany its wearer and when a woman smiles the dress must smile with her. ~Madeleine Vionnet

Poetry and Paper Tigers.

Debate doesn’t really change things. It gets you bogged in deeper. If you can address or reopen the subject with something new, something from a different angle, then there is some hope.... That’s something poetry can do for you, it can entrance you for a moment above the pool of your own consciousness and your own possibilities.

SEAMUS HEANEY, Paris Review, Fall 1997

When in doubt, give thanks. Survey the surface of your life and then go deeper. There are worlds within people, within a song, within a face, within a breakfast. These intricacies are the things that make life, life.

We talk about perspicacity as the kind of thing a good coach needs to get better. It's something you can have naturally, but it's also something you learn the further you go along. You learn that a slight movement of the knee in on the first pull of a clean will snub the right muscle groups. You learn that the same loss of that movement on the push out of the bottom of the front squat will short-change the max clean.

We all learn to see as we go along. Until then, we are blind.

It's incredible to think about all the things you know without being able to voice them. I feel sometimes, that I have forgotten what that is like - to name a thing for what it is... in spite of your incomprehension of it, in spite of your fear of it perhaps, in spite of the fact that words, are like paper tigers.

I've been trying to write more poetry lately - mainly for the sake of recording some songs with a friend in the wee hours of the morning. The process feels so new, and so different than my oh-so-college-ey days back in the shed behind Mark Stevick's house. Sip a beer, pour out your words, or melt into someone else's.

Poetry, for me, is allowing a voice to speak that I am not aware of. The words fall to a page and seem to write themselves. The sounds drift together and create a harmony that feels self-taught. There is something in me that wants to speak and stanza to stanza, I let it.

Sometimes the words don't come and on those days... I know not to try.

Maybe relationships are like this... Maybe sometimes you realize it is time to call a thing what it is. Maybe sometimes you know there are no words and there never will be. Only sounds that cry like a baby, so vividly but without any clear meaning.

Either way, there is, in the mix, gratitude for the voice, for the sun, for those things you know are there even if you can't yet see them. Maybe that's called poetry. Maybe that's called faith.

"We're just holding on to nothing

To see how long nothing lasts."

-Beck, Paper Tiger

Mama said...

That you have to feel for folks when they're a little nuts because you never know what they've been through... and I've known people like that... and I've felt things for people like that and then felt taken advantage of... and I've also been that person.

Situation #11

Today was a day for the latter.

Situations which I found myself in today:

Situation No.1 - I am trying to put more than 145lbs. over my head and it just isn't going to happen - and so I proceed to pummeling myself with a smooth combination of movements dubbed "1/2 Angie". Tried really hard to beat Chris and then he had to go and do 10 extra reps of the ab wheel rollouts and make a bathroom trip. Subsequently could not claim a solid victory. This is my life.

Situation No.2 - I follow the lovely Liz Edmonds to Physical Therapy and spend time wrapped in the sterilized viscera of bands and strange machines, old women with dislocated shoulders, and bulky men with plantar fasciitis. There are many thoughts of ball and socket joints. I feel like I am swimming in ideas and anatomy - tunneling through angles and physiology.

Situation No.3 - I am blessed to see a baby and maneuver around its mother's back trying to fix some aches and pains. I've never felt a back that wasn't loaded with all kinds of trouble. There is something assuring about being with a child, or being with a good friend - safe is a great feeling, albeit sometimes a fleeting one.

Situation No. 4 - Lunch with my beau in which I am distracted, both by gluten and my freaking phone. As per usual, he doesn't bat so much as a twitchy eyelid.

Situation No.5 - “It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.” - Alex Karras

Situation No. 6 - Walk home and be for all of half an hour.

Situation No. 7 - Take a cab a short distance and assure him I'll tip him well if he doesn't mind taking me for such small fare. Cabbie commences in discussing cab fare and how much I should tip him ("Some people just walk in and give me $20 to take 'em round the block."). He then picks up a homeless man into the front seat at Broad and Walnut while I am still in the cab and asks him if he feels like he's dying because the man wants to go the hospital. ________________. Needless to say I get out at Broad and Locust and throw eight big ones at the guy for a four dollar cab ride. Maybe I was trying to be ironic? I don't think I was trying to be nice.

Situation No. 8 - Running and skinning my knee on my way to grab coconut water, in the 5 year old way you do when you are trying to do a million things are really all you need is a nap. Ouch.

Situation No. 9 - Being engulfed by the push jerk, Metallica, and more of the same Angie. I think I literally saw stars about five times tonight as I coached. I felt like I had mothballs for teeth (there's an image, eh?)

Situation No. 10 - Sashimi, ok, and gyoza.... cause it was either that or wine... and the story of Rachel and Leah, but like, Jerry Springer style.

Situation No. 11 - Walk home with Sammy to find a vacuum cleaner chillin' in a homeless man's grocery cart. Because, you know - maybe he needs to clean some ish up on his life too?

Really though...

if I could have any dog and home big enough to let it run in...

it would be this one:

a six week old husky.

And while I'm at it, did you know that I have had two rabbits in my lifetime? Rabbit, the second, was Snowball (real creative, I know). He was left in Italy after we moved. Seeing as how I got him from a farm that farms rabbits to eat it was only fitting that I then returned him back to said farm when the time came.

Rabbit, the first, was named Snowflake and, I am sorry to say was starved to death on account of my family missing our flight and his running out of water in his own little home. :( I dug a grave around the blackberry bushes and buried him, headstone and all. Even now I can remember visiting Snowflake's grave before I left Tremestieri Eteneo for the last time.

On a perhaps entirely unrelated note... Arrus and I went to The Dandelion Pub one day and I loved the atmosphere and I ate the scallops... but Arrus had the rabbit pot pie and let me tell you... it was good.

Very much into Tea lately.

I would totally go through the trouble of special ordering the herbs below to try this tea from Elana's Pantry. Been loving herbal teas as of late - made ginger, raw honey, and cinnamon this morning and it was the peeeerfect start to the day. I seriously think it probably helped me PR my press :)

And it's also just worth it to run through some fun little photos of tea. Making tea... well, making tea is just obviously something so needed in the world.

There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a nice cup of tea. ~Bernard-Paul Heroux

Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

Lewis Carroll

Tea is drunk to forget the din of the world. ~T'ien Yiheng

I love the idea of mixing your own herbal teas... forgive me, but it's like drinking art.

Mint tea. Reminds me of Tea-o-3.

Find yourself a cup of tea; the teapot is behind you. Now tell me about hundreds of things.

Saki

It's so true.

And this is a beautiful moment.

And even just tea cups WITHOUT tea in them are soothing!

Each cup of tea represents an imaginary voyage.

Catherine Douzel

A Proper Tea is much nicer than a Very Nearly Tea, which is one you forget about afterwards.

A.A. Milne

Startled.

“To love is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.”

- Emily Dickinson

When I was younger and could not think of things to journal I would simply write what I had been learning lately. Here's what I have been learning...

1. I have never been in love long enough to know what it is like to really hurt the person you love.

2. Muscles can be tight. Joints can be tight. All of this and more can be mended.

3. It is so incredibly important to balance the mind, the soul, and the body. This lack of balance is the cause of most of my problems.

4. I'm not THAT great at cooking, but I do love food.

5. I can be mean when I'm sleepy - therefore I should sleep a lot more.

6. It's so important to be an individual in a relationship - to not lose the wanderlust that comes with being on your own. I really think it's what's best for everyone involved.

7. Grudges, just like death and taxes, are a sure thing in life. The practice of letting things go is just that, a practice.

8. Every body has a reason for being who they are, and for doing what they do. This is an old one, and simply a reminder.

9. New relationships are inevitable - what you do with the old ones is up to you.

10. I miss school sometimes - enough probably to go back sooner than I thought.

A Little Longfellow for your Tuesday Morning reminds of what it's like when you aren't around.
from "A Gleam of Sunshine"

But now, alas! the place seems changed;
Thou art no longer here:
Part of the sunshine of the scene
With thee did disappear.

Though thoughts, deep-rooted in my heart,
Like pine-trees dark and high,
Subdue the light of noon, and breathe
A low and ceaseless sigh;

This memory brightens o'er the past,
As when the sun, concealed
Behind some cloud that near us hangs
Shines on a distant field.

Sufjan. Yes.

There's too much, too much, too much love

There are so many reasons to love Dan John

This one, from his recent book, just makes me smile.

Thaaank goodness I don't have to go here anymore...

Honestly, have a group of young athletes do any serious movement that involves peak concentration, perfection of technique, well maintained equipment and developed skills and one of these fine young people will ask: “What muscle does it build?” Shake your head, shake your hand to the sky in rage and wrath, or come to grips with all of this stuff.

For the record, we have two standard answers to “what muscle does it build?” when the athlete is snatching, cleaning or swinging. First: “You know when you leap up in the end zone and snag the ball between two defenders and win the state championship? Yes? Well, it is that muscle.”

Second answer: “Let’s just keep doing snatches for another hour and we will ask you tomorrow as a pop quiz?” Both answers are excellent, but the second one is really more fun for the coach.

Is OPT Yoda?

I'm pretty sure he is.

From my first CrossFit competition ever.

Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.
And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream.

Glutes.

I like this dude's warm-up.

YAY :)

You know I need to remember these...

THURSDAY 110120

Snatch 1-1-1-1-1-1-1 reps

Jake Rubash 247lbs, Josh Everett 245lbs, Michael Giardina 243lbs,Brandon Pastorek 243lbs, Brandon Phillips 235lbs, Rob Miller 225lbs,Kristan Clever 155lbs, Katie Hogan 155lbs, Rebecca Voigt 120lbs.

The question competition inspires.

Could I have done more?

For me, training is fun, even if you are there to get legitimate work done. Training is done with a plan to be better... but it is ok if the week just doesn't permit it. Training can be serious, but never so serious that you feel like doing well might be something imminently important to you. Training can be approached in a variety of moods and still completed. Training is done with some eyes on you but no one really minding what you do for better or for worse - it's just what you do.

But competition demands respect.

Competition demands your best. Competition demands a stern mind, a fueled body, a rested nervous system, and a standard. It demands a plan. It demands discipline.

On competition day, If you can't do it, you aren't going to do it. You aren't going to scale. You aren't going to get an extra second to run to the bathroom. You aren't going to get what you want because you're not having a good day.

And unlike when you train and you ask yourself "could I have done more?" and the answer is RARELY ever "Nope", competition makes that question feel deeply important. Because, after all, this is kind of your chance. It's your opportunity to take all of what you have done every 6am, noon, or 530p class and see what it is worth in numbers, and in contrast to everyone else who does what you do.

And whether you win, or you lose, you want your effort to be honest - you want it to be a real representation of WHAT YOU CAN DO.

So this is how the question always haunts me. I know my effort during competitions is very different than my effort during training (if only because I feel less pressured when training) - but that voice in my head is always the same, "slow down", "be careful", "it doesn't really matter", "you're already behind anyway".

Battling those small nudges is what bettering myself is ultimately about. Balancing them out is the challenge.

"Get rid of your fear of failure, your tensions about succeeding, you will be yourself. Relaxed. You wouldn’t be driving with your brakes on. That’s what would happen."

- Anthony DeMello

Eleven is a nice number.

Gravity's my enemy.

Muscle Ups at 215 - a short analysis from CrossfitCC on Vimeo.

My New Years’ Resolution for 2010 was one thing: to live more simply.

A slew of small enlightened sentences would spring forth from my wee blog in the months to come. There was a lot of change. A lot of movement. A lot of acceptance of things that, had you attempted to warn me of prior to my experience, I would never have believed would happen.

Truth be told, it’s been a year of growing pains in both my personal and professional life.

I wonder whether I really have simplified. I now live in Philadelphia and find keeping myself in service to one business much more fulfilling than two, or three. I now find myself accepting the company of an incredible man who reminds me of the things I want to live for every day I know him. I now find myself imperfectly, but earnestly trying to cast off the forces in my life that weigh me down (my car, my inbox, and my “things” in general) in favor of those that build me up (my friends, my family, my faith, my training, my journey).

Plotting his way to Brazil I'm sure...

2011 presents me with new beginnings galore: a new gym, a new apartment, a new relationship, new friends, and a new outlook. I hope to allow this year to be what it will - everything that is hoped for but nothing that is promised.

Here’s the concrete; 11 things I hope to do in the next year:

1. Certified USA Olympic Weightlifting Coach come May (Totten)
2. Win something - not sure what yet - OR simply compete in my first Oly Meet ever.
3. Finish meeting with DB (my accountant and financial advisor - pretty much) about money and CFCC
4. Go to Colorado and take an anusara class from Heidi.
5. Go to church - not because I must, but because I want to, at least once a month.
6. Read and implement Gray Cook, also Kelly Starrett at CFCC at least 1x a week.
7. Play tennis through the spring, summer, and fall at least a few times a month.
8. Find somewhere to sing.
9. Cook the majority of my food at home and finally buy a grass-fed meat freezer for CFCC.
10. Go to the Mutter Museum.

11. Take a class/get a certification: either anusara, CSCS, another language, sewing, or... SOMETHING.

I'm saving the CrossFit Goals for AFTER HYBRID. :)

Inspiration.