2 things I've always wanted...

Found flowers, for no reason.

Microplane zester... originally created for making skin grafts for surgeons and ultimately the easiest to use zester in the whole wide world. It's a win!

So hungry right now I think I'll dream of the eggs I'm eating tomorrow a.m.

Seitan is evil and other thoughts...

I wish this was my mug, and my almost paleo chocolate scone.

Didn't do too badly last night, I think. Woke up feeling leaner...needing more sleep - but knowing I want to eat well for a while. My body was sending me some major surrender flags yesterday.

3 eggs, coconut oil, and salsa this morning (GRINGO is the best.)

Black caffeinated coffee = headache (I haven't had that much caffeine on it's own in like 2 months but it's all I have left at home - the coffee, not the headache - although...)

And now - for the rest of the day, a whole pound of turkey and tri-color pepper curry type thing. Basically made with the turkey (90g PRO), 1/3 can lite coconut milk (cuts the fat WAY down to like 10g), onions and peppers for carbs.

Also have had looooots of decaf coffee with a few tablespoons of 1/2 and 1/2 here at work. That's not ideal. I need to bring some herbal tea here. That I can nurse all day.

Right now I'm feeling a little woozy but it's because I don't get to eat til 5p when I get off work here. Also I think I'm dehydrated more often than not. Doesn't help that CFCC has run out of water!

Am also absurdly productive today and lately. I'm not complaining...

“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.”

- Mark Twain

Today has been a wash as far as zone is concerned. Hadn't cooked and that helps. Also had a bunch of stuff to uhhh... eat through before they went bad and I felt like I wasted money. Stupid excuse I guess. I'm setting this thing up so that I can record everything I eat by texting from my phone. That'll help.

Memories are really just pictures in your head.

The concept comes from one of my favorite episodes of Radiolab.

The reason I want to work in Heather's upstarting bakery... I really need to recreate a salad I had from here once... it was braised spinach, mint, salmon, and somehow it was like the best thing I ever ate.

A feeling I want everyday. I settle for rubber mats. Also - I still own these sandals even though I think they're absolutely irreparable. I should really take them to a cobbler. When was the last time YOU were at a cobbler? They do amazing things...

This is what silence really is. It's actually really, really, really LOUD.

This is how I like to travel. This, amazing food after this, and then a museum the next day when you can get lost and feel your soreness and exercise your prions. I miss this... and it's the incentive for a lot of things I want in life: someone to explore with, freedom to go, money to justify.

These are the colors I wear and love. It's like olive, jade, and eggplant, ripe pumpkins, slate and clove. I can't help it. I haven't bought new clothes in forever... but even when I do - I know I'll still be looking for these colors.

In other news - I'm making a list of all the dishes that are SAVORY from Elana's Pantry that I really want to make. I'm back on zone because I think I'm making it my official goal to compete in sectionals and in general, to up my game as an athlete. Zone helps. I'll be liberal with the fat in the morning but not in my main courses, it'll be 11 to 12 blocks of PRO and of CHO...that just fits my lifestyle.

Agave Lime Chicken - I just love simple dishes and the idea of throwing everything in a pan - waiting and anticipating the tastes, smells, and colors that develop... and then just trying not to eat it right after it comes out. I should really be roasting a chicken every week through the winter and then using the bones for soup.

Chili Chicken served with Napa Cabbage and Shiitake Mushrooms - I think I'm really going to love this one... I have to say I'm really unfamiliar with dried chilis. That part's going to be a bit of an experiment. It's been too long since I've had my favorite mushrooms!!!

Mango Chicken - so, so easy and I bet I will love it... easy ingredients!

Salmon with Mushroom and Red Pepper Sauce - again with the shiitakes... and I like the idea of working a little harder to make a really nice sauce - especially if it's made of red peppers. :)

Turkey Chili - When it gets cold, there's nothing better than this. Uber simple - except for poblano peppers. What are those? Where do I get them? What do they taste like? Peppers and I, we need some quality time.

That's it for now...gotta go through the veg for more ideas...

Do not read if you are already sad.

Well I'm finally home. Sitting in bed. Listening to "You've Got Mail"... and wishing everything in life didn't come to an end at some point. I've been listening to Radiolab's recent episodes on "Death" and I really shouldn't. Especially when feeling as low as I am lately. But the bare truth is addicting.

And the truth is, I really, really, REALLY hate the idea of death...so much so that I call it an idea. I hate the death of anything. The end of a friendship, a relationship, a group, a business, a vegetable, a sweatshirt, a life. I'm attached - no matter how hard I try not to be. It's gutting.

I guess it's comforting to know that nothing ever dissipates into absolute emptiness. The rules of matter say that it goes somewhere. It's only a little comforting though. I myself enjoy consciousness as much as I complain about it. Sigh...

For the first time since forever...I didn't want to leave the gym. I didn't want to get on the train. I didn't want to go over the bridge. I didn't want to finally get to my truck. I didn't want the traffic on 38 to move smoothly. I didn't want to catch the green at Marne.

I just didn't want to.

And the only thing I know to do now is just not sleep, not eat, and watch the only movie that ever reminds me of being fine.

"People are always telling you that 'change is a good thing'. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened... soon it will just be a memory. In fact, someone, some foolish person, will probably think it's a tribute to this city - the way it keeps changing on you or the way you can never count on it or something. I know because that's the sort of thing I'm always saying. But the truth is - I'm heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died... And no one can ever make it right."

-Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail

Note to self: Go to Iceland.

I love this movie. Shamelessly.

And I think a back like that is just beautiful. I don't care what any slinky makes-me-look-like-a-fullback strapless dress tells me. Strong is so worth it. I hope I live to be 80 and slinging kettlebells.

Went to watch Pat grapple today. Then ate some not so tasty (but not so bad for me) food. Then fell asleep on the couch for 3 hours. Then woke up and watched Roddick get his tush kicked.

It's probably why I'm addicted to athletics in general... that focus that comes with aggression... with a goal that is intoxicating. I know musicians experience it, artists feel it.

It's transcendent...and it's the same reason why life sometimes just befuddles me.

Three sighs for today... ho-hum.

A word on vanilla milkshakes with your dessert.

At the pop shop. Peanut Butter Chocolate Whipped Cream Ice Cream Decadence/Debacle.

Because right now I'm craving all of the above... but I wouldn't dare eat it because I'd be SO SO SO sick.

This pic is from ages ago it seems... kinda like the last time I posted. ZING.

Lastly, tonight I made my very own first pork tenderloin. Yes, the tender loins of a sacrificial pig. It's a great cut from Trader Joe's for cheap-cheap (renewed appreciation for the cheap-cheap of TJ's). I seared it. I roasted it with apples. I made sauce. By frying some onions in butter, then adding some sage and thyme (though I would have preferred thyme and bay leaf), reduced (YES - a REDUCTION!) some apple cider vinegar in it and then poured in some heavy cream that I picked up from the Fair Food Farmstand this morning. Twill be yummy. I know it.