More on how this works later but...

My one and only New Years' Resolution...

is to practice living more simply.

Hello, 2010.

Here are some things I noticed...my year in PRs...

Some improvements:

DEADLIFT: I could do 175 x 3 once but it was totally rounded and I had to stop in between reps. I did 175 x 3 for 5 sets with a pretty good arch last week. It's not as good as I'd like it, but it's getting there. This is the one lift I'd REALLY like to get a LOT better at. I've been subbing it in all the time. The first time I pulled 200 was 4/11/09, 205 came on 4/26/09 but it was ugly and left me hurting. 5/13/09 was the first time I pulled 185 x 2 but felt rounding. 6/9/09 pulled 185 x 3 and didn't this either!

POWER CLEAN/CLEAN: Was cleaning 115 for singles on 1/5/09, couldn't get 125 cause I had no idea what I was doing after I pulled it. About a month ago (11/12/09) I got 135 - though I have no idea whether it was power or squat. I also did a WOD about a month ago with 63 115lb. power cleans. Booya.

JERK: Push Jerked 120 on 2/25/09 but pressed it out. Later in the year did 125 like an actual jerk and not push press. I guess on 3/18/09 I split under 135 easily. I should try that again sometime cause it sounds like it would be FUUUUUUN. Still have to do some heavy sets here. Haven't maxed in a while.

SNATCH: Altogether a much more confident movement. I couldn't confidently snatch more than 75lbs. on 1/30/09. I hit 95lbs. after a beer before even doing PMENU and I haven't been able to replicate it since... but I have been able to snatch 90 for a single multiple times (last week) even while my shoulders were absolutely exhausted (a really good sign).

FRONT SQUAT: I've been really stuck at 155 x 3, with a previous single of 170 for a while now. I just don't seem to challenge myself much when the day to do strength stuff comes around. The definitely has to start changing.

BACK SQUAT: 1/25/09 - I thought I hit 190 to parallel and apparently I did 175 x 3 on 3/15/09 and on 4/19/09. Weird that I had no idea - and REALLY bad. Also I guess I thought I did 195 around 4/11/09. But I'm not sure cause no one watched me - whereas with the more recent one, everyone was watching. Last Sunday I got a solid 195 not even in the cage (which is a huge accomplishment for me as I typically freak out when I don't feel I can bail by sitting down). I've also been able to actually do 145lbs. 23 times in 3 minutes out of the cage as well - that feels good but I know it can be better.

OVERHEAD SQUAT: Apparently on 1/15/09 I did 115 x 3. Interesting cause I really thought my max was 115 for a single (the last time I tried it - a few months ago - that's all I got). I'm curious to play around the a different positioning of the shoulders and better mobility and see how far along I can get with this. At some point I'd still really love to head toward 15x bodyweight. I'm also now able to do 95 x 12 and 85 x 15 without too much horrible wrist pain. That is something I NEVER would have been able to do last year.

PULL-UPS (KIPPING, WEIGHTED, and DEADHANG): Deadhangs have become much more dependable. Fresh I could only do 4 pronated in January. I can now do 5 pretty dependably and at least 6 supinated. Kipping has become just insane. Much better height over all - better form, I think too. And after lifting and then not eating I strung 18 together on an inch and a quarter bar. Have to test on the inch bar and hope my hands don't rip apart! Weighted-wise 15lbs. is much easier (10/20/09) but 20-25lbs. is still feeling pretty undoable. I think I probably do need to work on deadhangs on the rings more than anything, especially while using false grip. I'd also still love to get 10 deadhangs at some point. Maybe this is the year? :) Also - 2/18/09 on "Death by Pullups" I got 9 rounds and then on 11/6/09 I got 11 plus 11 on the inch and a quarter.

MUSCLE-UP: Well. I got one (12/3/09). If only I could keep it! I haven't been able to do one since the week I got it but I think it's because I'm still due for a lot of strength work out of the dip and through the transition. I need to give my shoulders time because they've been doing a LOT of gymnastics stuff lately.

RING DIPS: Couldn't do one in January. Pavel definitely helped me get one a few months ago! Now I can string together at least 5 on a max effort and use them in WODs. I hope to be able to be lighter and better at these by next year. They will help a lot of things!

BB TURKISH GET UP: My ancient nemesis :) In January I had to dump 70. 65 happens more easily now - but 70 I still haven't been able to get. That definitely would be worth doing at some point. I love this lift.

PRESS and SANDBAG PRESS: 2/7/09 Could put the 75 over my head but never the 100. Then - on 4/15/09 I got the hundy. Don't know if I could do it now! My press hasn't gone much of anywhere lately but 3/10/09 I had 90 and on 4/11/09 I pressed 95 but it was SLOW.

PUSH PRESS: 105 x 3 on 6/8/09, 115 x 3 on 6/20/09

RUNNING: I'm still a crappy runner though I'm not as afraid of it as I used to be - but I'm hoping to do more barefoot hill running when the weather warms up a tad and - in February I discovered Rage Against the Machine and ran a sub 8 minute mile for the first time since I was like 6 years old. That's got to count for something! I also ran my first structured 5k in 3008 minutes and oh yeah - there was that little 6.2 mile run through the mud in September. That could definitely be better. Not all out running but on a track: 400m, 1:39 on 7/12/09, 17s 100m.

ROWING: My split during WODs is only just starting to get better... and Greengas and Alyson have made me brave or stupid (I can't decide) and I no longer fear the long row (did 2 5ks in 3 days this past week, and 1500m and a 2k a couple times this year). 2k row on 5/29/09 was 936. Tabata Row on 8/3/09 was 771m

DOUBLE UNDERS: 2/12/09 First one. :) Now I can do them in a WOD and string more than 20 together.

BOX JUMP: At least 31 inches on 6/21/09

"ELIZABETH": 1/30/09 done with a 50lb. sandbag and zercher catch + pushups in 10 minutes. Now I do this rx'd both with a 75lb. sandbag or a squat clean with 95lb. barbell in (respectively) 32 and 28 minutes. It'll be much better next time for sure because real ring dips are an entirely new thing to me and I've been practicing! Power Elizabeth with purple band ring dips was 1100 on 4/30/09.

"SANDY FRAN" and other Fran variations: (21-15-9 75lb. sandbag thrusters alternated with inch and a half thick pullups) 2/11/09 did it in 24:17 and on 11/18/09 did it in 1840 (probably my favorite PR of the whole year) ; Did Fran with 95lb. BB a day later in 20 minutes. Ha. 10/12/09 - first WOD ever with Denise T. o.m.g. Barbell Fran in 1014, clavicle to bar. SO out of shape.

"HELEN": 3/1/09 - 1415. ugh. I have discovered that kettlebell stuff is a HUGE weakness for me. "Sandy" on 4/17/09 took me 1908 with a 25lb. sandbag and chest to bar pullups.

"GRACE": 5/8/09 - Ha! RB's first day at the Tribe. I estimate sub 7 on a power clean and jerk 95lb. Grace, 7/16/09 - 643 Power Clean and Jerk at 95lbs.

"JACKIE": 3/6/09 - 1334, 6/5/09 - 1536, 12/17/09 - 1330

"MURPH": 3/20/09 - 5 rounds of Cindy away + a mile from finishing in 58 minutes ; 5/5/09 began with 3 mile run. Finished in 1 hour 33 min.

"NICOLE": 3/30/09 - as with most of the running WODs, I'm kind of stuck. Did this and didn't PR on this day with 7 rounds and 51 pullups which was 10 reps shy of my last time.

"NANCY" - 4/5/09 - 2409

"DT" - @ 95lbs. in 2030 on 4/16/09, 7/24/09 2005 with Ross at 6am.

"FILTHY FIFTIES" - 4/19/09 45 minutes and got to 32 wallballs - didn't do everything rx'd, 7/27/09 in 5730 arms fully extended on pullups, 11/22/09 4329 with easier pullups and everything as rx'd except the back x.

"CINDY" - PR from 12/21/08 is 11 + 6 pushups that were not chest to bar.

"TABATA SOMETHING ELSE" - 228 (ab wheel)

"ANGIE" - 11/16/09 3159

SLEEP/RECOVERY: Hmm - whatwith the stress and work of this year I'd say I started off at about a 0 (I fainted in the gym in January due to just TOO MUCH of everything) and am currently hovering around a 6. More will change in the next month or so that will make all of this a little better. I'm REALLY looking forward to it.

INJURIES I HAVE SUSTAINED:

1/25/09 Weird wrist from doing something weird with sandbags (hyperextending my weak one I think - resolved with rest).

6/20/09 Continued pulling immediately medial and underneath my right scapula (levator scap, I'm pretty sure). Probably from too much arm pulling in cleans or other lifts. Resolves itself with ice and tennis ball rolling of more than just the area. Eventually I believe this effects my neck a few months from then.

7/5/09 Not an injury but worth recording - got a 5 day flu (102 degree fever at worst) and slept for like 72 hours to fix it.

9/26/09 post Long Mud Run had a little bit of a hyperextended ankle, iced and stretched and good as new within a few days.

10/7/09 A 5k plus many, many stupid hours of late night tennis somehow pulled sacral discs out of whack by not stretching after so much unfamiliar movement (running laterally). Pretty debilitating and really scary at first cause I couldn't walk really. Fixed by resting... begging Doctor Val to take care of me - and then doing tons of soft tissue stuff and stretching to get things back in line. Whew.

10/22/09 Kind of tweaked my neck doing ring dips in Elizabeth for the first time... and then practicing muscle ups. To be expected. Val fixed me and said my first rib was stuck up and that that was actually pretty normal.

MOBILITY: Can hold a german hang comfortably as of August. That's new. My left glute is constantly tighter than my right and my right hip flexor is tighter than my left. Erg... T-spine posture feels like it has improved which is helping my shoulders as well. I would love to be able to hold a split on both sides.

NUTRITION: The biggest thing I've learned about eating is that I can't be afraid to slip up - and I can't think that one meal will keep me from being lean. Eating local whole foods in season pretty much solve everyone's problems coupled with some testing on proportions. Pre-workout nutrition has become much more important to me than post. I've also learned that I do great with potatoes, squash, and other starchier carbs - and that, with all the stuff I do in a day, I need them as efficient source of energy that isn't as energy dense as fats. I also don't have NEARLY as much caffeine as I used to and it feels much better.

Sometimes - life just hands you a break and you have to say...

THANK YOU.

Man, do I love snow...

Ahhhh!!!!

Feeling like I'm going to freak out. UGH.

These days are too long. 5 12+ hour days. And there's just too much going on and no time to even think about it.

Sigh.

Potential.

"In the depths of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus

3 Candles, Accidents.

"Over the years I have developed a picture of what a human being living humanely is like. She is a person who understands, values and develops her body, finding it beautiful and useful; a person who is real and is willing to take risks, to be creative, to manifest competence, to change when the situation calls for it, and to find ways to accommodate to what is new and different, keeping that part of the old that is still useful and discarding what is not."

-- Virginia Satir

To be this intentional in life is difficult. Really difficult. To know what is best for yourself is very hard. To act on what you know, harder.

It takes a certain pragmatism, an ability to imagine objectivity to the thing that is most subjective: your life.

I am slow to remember that every day is a gift. That every moment I live and breathe is precious because it is singular, every moment, a risk.

I used to think that the idea that "there are no accidents" was an absolutely ridiculous notion. If there are no accidents then everything is intentional, plotted, and conceived. I failed to realize that the opposite of an accident is pretty much something predictable...

and none of life is this way.

So if things are not predictable, than they must be something else - and that is, accidental.

We don't get a guarantee on anything...and so EVERYTHING is therefore accidental, surprising, or...everything has a purpose, has meaning, and repercussions.

I'm only thinking...because my schedule permits the throbbing of day after day with no realization of what it is I'm really doing; that is to say... moving through water, making waves, creating accidents everywhere.

And so I think, we cannot feel forever horrible for the things that happen to us, because we were silly to believe ourselves guaranteed otherwise. We can be grateful for the right kind of accidents, hopeful for a better bigger picture. There are no happy endings, only accidents we want, and accidents we don't want.

I figure the really hard thing is accepting either,

then choosing to learn from it,

then actually learning.

And this...

Dear Tommy Kono,

Please coach me.

Thanks,

Erin.

And then there's this!

WOOOOHOOOO!!!!

Sometimes...

I can't decide whether being mindful is better or worse...

“There are some people who eat an orange but don’t really eat it. They eat their sorrow, fear, anger, past, and future.” - Thich Nhat Hanh

“When you eat with awareness, you find that there is more space, more beauty. You begin to watch yourself, to see yourself, and you notice how clumsy you are or how accurate you are. … So when you make an effort to eat mindfully…, you find that life is worth much more than you had expected.” - Chogyam Trungpa

Fall. Wind. Changes.

I passed under a sugar maple that stunned me by its elegant unselfconsciousness: it was as if a man on fire were to continue sipping tea. - Annie Dillard

Give my gun away when its loaded.

Before bed:

a candle

a cup of water

brush teeth

sometimes music

thoughts, some I want to think, some I don't

last minute emails

set an alarm

plan the day

sometimes a book

place pillows

watching out my window

I've played this on the piano. It's not too bad.

Pop Shop slays me...

This morning.

I did well for the rest of the day and didn't eat as much as a result of having my favorite breakfast thing this morning - eggs benedict florentine... with a side of not crispy bacon. I know I complain all the time about being tired, being frustrated, being alone, blah blah blah - but really... really, really - the WHOLE time I'm doing this... I know it could be worse. I know I won't always feel that way. I know that something will come along and I will feel like it's worth it to smile. Steve's Club did that for me today. I'm grateful.

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

2 things I've always wanted...

Found flowers, for no reason.

Microplane zester... originally created for making skin grafts for surgeons and ultimately the easiest to use zester in the whole wide world. It's a win!

So hungry right now I think I'll dream of the eggs I'm eating tomorrow a.m.

Seitan is evil and other thoughts...

I wish this was my mug, and my almost paleo chocolate scone.

Didn't do too badly last night, I think. Woke up feeling leaner...needing more sleep - but knowing I want to eat well for a while. My body was sending me some major surrender flags yesterday.

3 eggs, coconut oil, and salsa this morning (GRINGO is the best.)

Black caffeinated coffee = headache (I haven't had that much caffeine on it's own in like 2 months but it's all I have left at home - the coffee, not the headache - although...)

And now - for the rest of the day, a whole pound of turkey and tri-color pepper curry type thing. Basically made with the turkey (90g PRO), 1/3 can lite coconut milk (cuts the fat WAY down to like 10g), onions and peppers for carbs.

Also have had looooots of decaf coffee with a few tablespoons of 1/2 and 1/2 here at work. That's not ideal. I need to bring some herbal tea here. That I can nurse all day.

Right now I'm feeling a little woozy but it's because I don't get to eat til 5p when I get off work here. Also I think I'm dehydrated more often than not. Doesn't help that CFCC has run out of water!

Am also absurdly productive today and lately. I'm not complaining...

“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.”

- Mark Twain

Today has been a wash as far as zone is concerned. Hadn't cooked and that helps. Also had a bunch of stuff to uhhh... eat through before they went bad and I felt like I wasted money. Stupid excuse I guess. I'm setting this thing up so that I can record everything I eat by texting from my phone. That'll help.

Memories are really just pictures in your head.

The concept comes from one of my favorite episodes of Radiolab.

The reason I want to work in Heather's upstarting bakery... I really need to recreate a salad I had from here once... it was braised spinach, mint, salmon, and somehow it was like the best thing I ever ate.

A feeling I want everyday. I settle for rubber mats. Also - I still own these sandals even though I think they're absolutely irreparable. I should really take them to a cobbler. When was the last time YOU were at a cobbler? They do amazing things...

This is what silence really is. It's actually really, really, really LOUD.

This is how I like to travel. This, amazing food after this, and then a museum the next day when you can get lost and feel your soreness and exercise your prions. I miss this... and it's the incentive for a lot of things I want in life: someone to explore with, freedom to go, money to justify.

These are the colors I wear and love. It's like olive, jade, and eggplant, ripe pumpkins, slate and clove. I can't help it. I haven't bought new clothes in forever... but even when I do - I know I'll still be looking for these colors.

In other news - I'm making a list of all the dishes that are SAVORY from Elana's Pantry that I really want to make. I'm back on zone because I think I'm making it my official goal to compete in sectionals and in general, to up my game as an athlete. Zone helps. I'll be liberal with the fat in the morning but not in my main courses, it'll be 11 to 12 blocks of PRO and of CHO...that just fits my lifestyle.

Agave Lime Chicken - I just love simple dishes and the idea of throwing everything in a pan - waiting and anticipating the tastes, smells, and colors that develop... and then just trying not to eat it right after it comes out. I should really be roasting a chicken every week through the winter and then using the bones for soup.

Chili Chicken served with Napa Cabbage and Shiitake Mushrooms - I think I'm really going to love this one... I have to say I'm really unfamiliar with dried chilis. That part's going to be a bit of an experiment. It's been too long since I've had my favorite mushrooms!!!

Mango Chicken - so, so easy and I bet I will love it... easy ingredients!

Salmon with Mushroom and Red Pepper Sauce - again with the shiitakes... and I like the idea of working a little harder to make a really nice sauce - especially if it's made of red peppers. :)

Turkey Chili - When it gets cold, there's nothing better than this. Uber simple - except for poblano peppers. What are those? Where do I get them? What do they taste like? Peppers and I, we need some quality time.

That's it for now...gotta go through the veg for more ideas...

Do not read if you are already sad.

Well I'm finally home. Sitting in bed. Listening to "You've Got Mail"... and wishing everything in life didn't come to an end at some point. I've been listening to Radiolab's recent episodes on "Death" and I really shouldn't. Especially when feeling as low as I am lately. But the bare truth is addicting.

And the truth is, I really, really, REALLY hate the idea of death...so much so that I call it an idea. I hate the death of anything. The end of a friendship, a relationship, a group, a business, a vegetable, a sweatshirt, a life. I'm attached - no matter how hard I try not to be. It's gutting.

I guess it's comforting to know that nothing ever dissipates into absolute emptiness. The rules of matter say that it goes somewhere. It's only a little comforting though. I myself enjoy consciousness as much as I complain about it. Sigh...

For the first time since forever...I didn't want to leave the gym. I didn't want to get on the train. I didn't want to go over the bridge. I didn't want to finally get to my truck. I didn't want the traffic on 38 to move smoothly. I didn't want to catch the green at Marne.

I just didn't want to.

And the only thing I know to do now is just not sleep, not eat, and watch the only movie that ever reminds me of being fine.

"People are always telling you that 'change is a good thing'. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened... soon it will just be a memory. In fact, someone, some foolish person, will probably think it's a tribute to this city - the way it keeps changing on you or the way you can never count on it or something. I know because that's the sort of thing I'm always saying. But the truth is - I'm heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died... And no one can ever make it right."

-Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail

Note to self: Go to Iceland.

I love this movie. Shamelessly.

And I think a back like that is just beautiful. I don't care what any slinky makes-me-look-like-a-fullback strapless dress tells me. Strong is so worth it. I hope I live to be 80 and slinging kettlebells.

Went to watch Pat grapple today. Then ate some not so tasty (but not so bad for me) food. Then fell asleep on the couch for 3 hours. Then woke up and watched Roddick get his tush kicked.

It's probably why I'm addicted to athletics in general... that focus that comes with aggression... with a goal that is intoxicating. I know musicians experience it, artists feel it.

It's transcendent...and it's the same reason why life sometimes just befuddles me.

Three sighs for today... ho-hum.

A word on vanilla milkshakes with your dessert.

At the pop shop. Peanut Butter Chocolate Whipped Cream Ice Cream Decadence/Debacle.

Because right now I'm craving all of the above... but I wouldn't dare eat it because I'd be SO SO SO sick.

This pic is from ages ago it seems... kinda like the last time I posted. ZING.

Lastly, tonight I made my very own first pork tenderloin. Yes, the tender loins of a sacrificial pig. It's a great cut from Trader Joe's for cheap-cheap (renewed appreciation for the cheap-cheap of TJ's). I seared it. I roasted it with apples. I made sauce. By frying some onions in butter, then adding some sage and thyme (though I would have preferred thyme and bay leaf), reduced (YES - a REDUCTION!) some apple cider vinegar in it and then poured in some heavy cream that I picked up from the Fair Food Farmstand this morning. Twill be yummy. I know it.

Things that look like watermelon but aren't.

MAN, food is dang pretty.

Felt good today - the humidity is turned cooler rainish type summer weather and I think my body likes that.

First four meals of the day were:

1 chicken sausage (7g PRO, 7g FAT, 4g CHO)...so I eat this with minimal CHO - a few bites of a very crunchy, very orange (like HAPPY orange), bell pepper.

With the last one being at about 12p.

Around 3p I had 3 oz. salmon wrapped around 1/2 cup of avocado and 2 blocks of blueberries + 2 cups of decaf coffee with a tbs. of cream in each.

Around 5p I had 3 more oz. of salmon wrapped around 1/2 cup of avocado and 2 blocks of blueberries again.

Trained around 7p ( a 7 minute heavy effort )

Had 3 eggs (ran out of butter...erg) and 1 pita (about 3 blocks of CHO and NASTY ingredients) and a block of CHO worth of blueberries.

My last meal was blah. Healthier fresh food is incredibly tasty to me and so much more appetizing than brown stuff.

Color is yummy. Moral of the day.

Day 3!

12 blocks PRO

8 blocks CHO

18 blocks FAT

Meal 1: (7a-ish)

2 blocks PRO worth grassfed coconut (3 blocks FAT) cumin beef, 2 blocks worth CHO from apple/jicama salad (plus a bit of onion in beef)

Meal 2: (830a-ish)

same as above.

Meal 3: (10a-ish)

same as above.

Meal 4: (post WOD - Deads...some double unders)

2 blocks PRO worth lemon pepper wild salmon, 1 block CHO turnip, 1 block CHO strawberries.

Meal 5: (~230p or an hour and a half after other meal)

3 blocks PRO worth of canned tuna with mayo (5 blocks FAT) and 1 block CHO tomato.

Meal 6: (haven't had yet but about to at 8p)

Same as Meal 1.

So this amounts to:

Meal 1: 2 PRO, 3 FAT, 1 CHO

Meal 2: same as above.

Meal 3: same as above.

Meal 4: 2 PRO, 2 CHO

Meal 5: 3 PRO, 5 FAT, 1 CHO

Meal 6: 2 PRO, 3 FAT, 1 CHO

Totalling: 13 PRO (oops), 19 FAT (oops again), 7 CHO (oops)

So if I was precise this could have been easier. I'll try again tomorrow. I really want to know how this formula works for me.

The crazy mind silenced by an egg...

"The mind wants to live forever, or to learn a very good reason why not. The mind wants the world to return its love, or its awareness... The mind's sidekick, however, will settle for two eggs over easy. The dear, stupid body is easily satisfied as a spaniel. And, incredibly, the simple spaniel can lure the brawling mind to its dish. It is everlastingly funny that the proud, metaphysically ambitious mind will hush if you give it an egg."
— Annie Dillard

Day 2 (forthcoming)

a very beautiful lady for only $2.99 and no fat, minimal protein, just 30g of CHO per can.

From Day 1:

Who says these meals aren't delectable???

Poached Lemon Pepper Wild Salmon and Butter Fried Wild Red Snapper

Measuring...

And weighing...(yes the salmon is that gorgeous)

Hope in sepia tones.

It's Saturday night and I'm cleaning my room, because the mind begs for order from something. The windows are open in this, a room I've had since I was 14. These are the windows I slept under when we first moved here. Back then when thunderstorms rolled through I'd curl up under my window to watch the lightning and listen to rain hit the pond across the street.

Today I'm in the same spot.

I've been thinking lately about this phrase I've loved for so long: expect nothing, appreciate everything. Nights like these I feel like maybe expecting nothing sometimes means hoping for nothing. I'm afraid to wish for things. I'm afraid to count on things. I'm afraid to think better of the future. It's not given. These things are frail and treading into them feels brave some days, other days, just really really stupid.

I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way.

I do know I'm no good at appreciating everything. So I'll make a kitschy list:

1. Thunderstorms

2. Some money in the bank

3. Only $7000 in debt to pay off

4. CrossFit

5. I can run (not fast - but I can do it).

6. Kelly Starrett seminar on the horizon

7. No immediate danger.

8. Air conditioning

9. The interweb

10. Old journals

I wish I could play guitar like this:

Things I chomp on when sick: Oxtail Soup

So particularly when I've got the flu apparently I tend to feel exactly what it feels like to have an inflammatory response. You hear all the time about how omega-3 fatty acids are great anti-inflammatory agents that are supposed to help you recover and keep your joints feeling healthy... but I had the singular experience these last few days of watching the rise and fall of my temperature and the corresponding "inflamed" feeling running through the rest of my body.

With my temp at 99.8 I felt uncomfortable, achey, but still able to get up and move around. At around 102 though I actually felt myself become almost swollen in my joints and very rigid. That was about the point when I would start to hope that one of my brothers would get my icepack from the freezer for me.

It's been said before (many, many, many times by people much wittier than I) that inflammation is the enemy to health. Inflammation immediately following an injury seems to generally a good and necessary response in the process of healing but prolonged inflammation seems to cause all kinds of festering problems in the body (athlesclerosis is a prolonged inflammation or the blood vessels which creates the home for blood clots which give rise to stroke/poor blood pressure/and a host of other issues, joints that are iced are usually brought to cooler temperatures to still movement and stress in a particular area for a bit so that fresh blood can then flush back into the area).

I've got a lot more to learn about the many ways inflammation reaks havoc on the body when not held in check... but one thing I know is... soup feels good... and soup with anti-inflammatory omega-3 fatty acids feels EVEN better (I upped my dosage of o-3s while I was sick and tried to eat only seafood, vegetables, and dark fruits to get myself better). After I sleep - the difference is palpable. I feel healed. It's like magic. Alakazam.

Anyway...here's what I ate for pretty much the whole day yesterday:

OXTAIL SOUP

Where oxtail is really just the tail of a cow...but ox obviously sounds way cooler. The fat of the bone of the tail is stewed in the broth of the soup and that fat is MARROW which is some of the coolest stuff ever and is very omega-3 dense.

1. Stew oxtails forever and ever - so much so that other people in the household demand to know what is taking up a burner.

2. Chuck in onion and greens you have lying around (my mom used swiss chard which is an excellent idea and one of my favorite dark green veg).

3. Let that stew and add some spices. Up to you but when I'm sick I like sorta spicy stuff to clear my sinuses...so my mom put in some cayenne pepper paste.

4. Eat. and Drink. Cause the broth is dang good.

You can find out more about bone marrow in recipes and the health benefits here.

And you can read this little account of eating roasted bone marrow from Anthony Bourdain (the traveler eating guy from The Travel Channel) here. I want his job kinda.

In other news...

THINGS I HAVE WASTED (CONSCIOUSLY) HOURS OF MY LIFE WATCHING IN THE LAST FEW DAYS:

1. The Extended Version of the Lord of the Rings minus the 2nd part of the Two Towers (the disc was lost) and pretty much 1/2 of the very last disc of Return of the King (which was skipping but I was kinda napping so it didn't matter).

2. Madagascar....2 (but I've never seen 1?) I <3>

3. Every possible episode of anything Chef Ramsay does. I think Meghan put it this way, "I like angry English men." It's probably true...I did always love perfunctory English writing best.

4. A few episodes of the following: Survivorman, Iron Chef, and Barefoot Contessa.

5. Korean soap operas that made absolutely no sense at all. Lots of screaming. Lots of eating. Lots of non-sensical honor issues. Who's family does that sound like...

Somehow with all of those shows about food I managed to lose 10lbs. while sick. I am probably weak now. I think I'm realizing I need to train less - rest more. Hmm...

Sick-nugget.

AMRAP Lord of the Rings?

I <3 Hammocks.

Took an hour nap today. It felt like...a trip back to the shore, a day climbing and exploring something, George Eliot I haven't read, a plethora of seafood and fruit to eat, and a night spent with people I love. I woke up and thought, "Oh yeah. This place."

Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by poor dress.
George Eliot, "Middlemarch", Book I, ch.1

Tis the season for sun and smoothies... and so many Michael Jackson songs.

Meg and I perused Reading Terminal Market. Thank goodness.

I honestly can't see myself getting stuff there that I can get elsewhere...but I think if I planned to shop there every weekend after my Saturday sessions I could pretty much budget and have enough incredible food for the week... as long as I could almost immediately schedule in the time to cook it. Among a few things I need to sit down and schedule out this week: money, and food.

Here's what I would go for:

1. Free Range Organic Turkey in a bag...$2.99 a lb. Think I completely freaked the guy out that I bought this from...but I was genuinely astounded by the price.

2. Whole Pastured Raised Chicken at like $3.99 a lb... roast one every week in a different way and I'm pretty sure I'd feel like that dude from Amelie who does the same. I love picking all the meat off of something like this for a REALLY good chicken salad.

3. $5 a lb. Ground Grassfed Beef from this itty bitty Amish stand in the center of the market. Dude was so nice and when I found out he ran out he asking about when I'd be back next. Also - he had kind Adam Bede eyes...if you don't know what that's like... you need to read more George Eliot.

4. Seafood (in general...) : I think I'd need to hunt around for a better vendor somewhere in the market. I love experimenting with seafood and during the summer it's pretty much the only thing I want to eat besides salad, fruit, and the occasional burger. The trick is trying stuff that's on sale, wild, and given to you by fish mongers that can actually answer questions about. So far the first wild salmon filet I bought from here still smelled fishy and technically that's a sign that it's been hanging around a bit too long (see Jaime Oliver). I'll look a little more - but it was still wonderful to be hanging around all the ice and seafaring creatures.

5. Eggs from pasture raised hens for like $3 I think. Though Steve brings a few dozen every week to the Tribe for $2.50.

6. Vegetables and greens : I love to get things that I've never cooked before. I found out how much I loved turnips and fennel this way. I'm more apt to buy some of the basics bagged and frozen: spinach, collard greens, and broccoli and just chuck them into very quick dishes. It's always fun to have new things to try when I actually give myself the time to enjoy being creative. I need to make more salads this summer especially. I'm keen to try beetroots and chive together.

7. Chipotle sauce all ready made in a tiny tin! I LOVE LOVE LOVE chipotle and I want to put it in everything. I had a sesame oil, ginger, tamari phase like this once.

8. Spearmint tea and coffee that was being roasted right in front of my oogling face.

9. Been needing to add a few more spices to my arsenal: need a good cayenne pepper, and more things to experiment with a few schools of cooking I don't know very well.

10. Raw milk/cheeses/butter... the occasional creamy raw grassfed thing is not so bad as long as it makes healthy food more palatable (I cook fish and eggs with butter, occasionally through some cheese on a veg I'm not too fond of - kale's a bit rough for me sometimes). Also - they have raw goat kefir! Mmm...

11. And one more thing I totally dig during the summer... JUICES AND SMOOTHIES. But I'm a little weird... I prefer my smoothies not too sweet. That drives me crazy. It's like asking for a sugar rush with all the tenderness of brainfreeze.

SMOOTHIE TEN COMMANDMENTS:

1. Drink them post WOD to shunt carbs to the right places if you're looking to make them as functional as possible. Anything drank with a straw definitely goes down quicker.

2. Don't be afraid of green things. Some of my favorite things to put in smoothies are spinach, broccoli, huge fluffy leaves of kale, and lime zest (not all at once - and usually in conjuction with a high flavor fruit like mango or apple).

3. Creamy is your friend and can be come by in a few ways. Using a "creamy" fruit like mangos, papayas, and bananas does the trick... but coconut milk (light or full fat), nut milks, and dairy (if it agrees with you) works too. One of my favorite combos is from my friend Heather: can of coconut milk, one banana, dark raw cacao, and a few tbs. of unsweetened shredded coconut. Way creamy... if I took to protein powder well and I was a guy (looking to gain some mass) I'd carry this one around on days when I'd be expending a LOT of energy. Hits the spot.

4. Ginger, Parsley, Cinnamon, Vanilla, Spearmint Oil... mild flavors surprise me.

5. Everyone needs a good blender and rinse it right after you use it.

6. Vary your ice to water ratio if stuff is sticking.

7. Carry a toothpick - seeds stick around. :)

8. I put raw eggs in my shakes. So sue me. It's supposed to be very good for you... cause then you walk around like Rocky.

9. Great for on-the-go re-fueling as long as youdon't forget to think of it as a meal. I carry mine around in old spaghetti jars (which clean better than my coffee tasting stainless steel thermos). Plus... you get weird looks.

10. If you're looking a flavor-ish, low energy option instead of all of the above - ignore your blender and make a chill a huge thing of tea. It's incredibly refreshing. Or... stick a cinnamon stick in your water bottle (like you haven't heard that one from me before...)

Gotta aloe up and sleep! So much sun today!

Clingy?

What can I say?

I'm clingy. I hang on for dear life - I grasp the edges of the world around me and hope to God I won't fail... I won't falter... I won't slip and find myself clutching at my own veins round about the age of 75.

I have lived desperately. I have wanted to live with the end in mind. Is it a crime?

Today I sailed up an elevator into the equivalent of an old folks home in Philadelphia and found myself musing over my mother with a client. I can't help it. She's in my blood, hemo-talking to me all the time.

We wait between bouts of energy and my client asks, "Were you pressured into music as a child?"

Was I? Did I want to do anything that my mother gave me - when she had nothing? When she was raised by no one, accountable to no one, and loved lately? Did I want to do everything she wanted for me?

I did.

But some things are just easier to love than others... especially when you're living for what you can get - and not what you want.

I was given every opportunity to fall in love with music, to become good, to become beautiful, to marry well and live with joy - in the only way my mother knew how.

And there - sitting in the plastic air at 19th and Chestnut I found myself still musing over her. Still knowing that she is incredibly giving...because she has been desperate most of her life.

In the last few years I have gradually come to the realization that peace is not something I can expect to create so much as simply accept. I can radically change my outlook on a day, on a season, on a moment if I simply accept it as it is, as it comes, as it will be anyway.

But I am desperate and I live life a scrambler.

I suppose that's sort of the point of this little project - to regain my sense of myself, to be sure to record my words, my sounds, my perspective. I'm merely a thoughtful observer here. That is all I know how to do right now.

A previous beginning can be found here.

I'm not planning on making sense. But I'll do my best where I can.

So - some things about me today:

4 shots of vodka, sweet potato, 1 stuffed cabbage, a whole bag of blueberries and a cup of cream, and 1 salad with PB in the late afternoon (first meal of the day) - stuffed and going to regret it tomorrow. weighing 155 is sad-ish but generally to be expected.

I like airports. A lot. I miss them when I'm not there.

I like Zoe Keating (below). She reminds me a lot of Washington State because I listened to her non-stop in the family van. I also ate wild blackberries there and that is ALWAYS good.

I like Muse. They remind me of Jake Woodruff conversations post college and even during Oxford... and of barefoot sprinting in a thunderstorm or on a track so hot my feet were scalded by myself at the Moorestown Track.

I called Meghan Waldeck tonight and told her I didn't want to live alone really. I'm grateful for her and Heather in a bad way.

Alyson bought me iced coffee today. I hope she becomes a CrossFit trainer and leaves her current job so I can have coffee and train with someone that amazing all the time.

My legs are so. very. sore. I rested today.

I need a haircut, a gyno, some new clothes for summer, and a chill pill.

Zoe Keating - "Time Is Running Out" - SFO from Seany on Vimeo.