Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–89). Poems. 1918.

2. Heaven—Haven

A nun takes the veil

I HAVE desired to go
Where springs not fail,
To fields where flies no sharp and sided hail
And a few lilies blow.

And I have asked to be
Where no storms come,
Where the green swell is in the havens dumb,
And out of the swing of the sea.

John Wooden is the man.

I need to read books by him.

This incredible coach just passed away ... but while alive effected so many for the better and said the following:

A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

Tis the season to... EAT YOUR VEGGIES!

So I have this awesome friend that is following a very simple nutritional program that I've laid out for her and she mentioned that I should pass along any veggie recipes I knew.

The truth is... I LOVE VEGETABLES. Here's how I answered her:

As far as veggie recipe ideas go...

I know you love Elana as much as I do but FOR SERIOUS... the list of things she makes is EXHAUSTIVE and so dependably good! http://www.elanaspantry.com/recipes/ I like the savory stuff and the veggies! :) If you stick exactly to some of the salad recipes too you're not getting a ton of fat at ALL with the dressings. If you're fretting about that anyway you can always stick with super lean meats to go with your salads... simple boiled chicken breast or pre-sliced turkey and chicken or pre-poached salmon from Trader Joe's. The great thing about most of her veggie recipes too is that there IS some fruit flavoring (like raisins in the kale, oranges in the salads...). This is ok! All I would do is just take out the fruit you might have in the morning and exchange it for the fruit in the salad later in the day.

A word on salads:

They can be great and really filling because of all the bulk from the leaves. I'm sure you could figure out a way to do a cobb salad... I often eat my salads without dressing and find that I'm totally cool with that as long as I can drizzle a little of the fat from the pan of whatever I cooked over my salad - or do a little lemon/lime/orange squeezing... OR - do mustard. Mustard's a pretty sweet thing to use when trying to get lean because it does provide good flavoring - but it's pretty much not very calorie dense at all. Mustard chicken could be easy to make and fun to eat. You could also do a thai tasting salad pretty easily too by adding a tiny pit of almond butter to a chicken marinade (marinating stuff is WHERE IT'S AT by the way). OR make it simple and buy a marinade that's real and a little low in fat... use it sparingly (don't drench your meat) and you should be safe!

Here are some of the veggie recipes that I think would be great to try:

http://www.elanaspantry.com/raw-kale-salad/

http://www.elanaspantry.com/asian-slaw/ - do this one without the stevia, sesame seeds, and instead of buying a JAR of almond butter that you will then have around - just buy a packet or a small tin of almond butter. Peanut butter if you have to.

http://www.elanaspantry.com/coleslaw/ - no agave nectar! You're probably safe trying this recipe without the sweetener altogether but what I would do is just throw in a little raw honey. It's tough to eat a lot of that stuff so having it around probably won't be that bad. Feel free to just use packets of honey if you don't want to risk it. A few is fine. As far as the mayonnaise part goes - just get the omega-3 mayo wegmans has and only do like anywhere from 1/2 to 1/4 of a cup. Pretty basic.

http://www.elanaspantry.com/cucumber-mango-salad/ - super simple, super refreshing. What I would do as far as the mango goes is do a LOT more cucumber than mango and again take out the fruit in the am. PS... ume plum vinegar is GREAT for you... the Japanese use it to cure hangovers.

http://www.elanaspantry.com/no-potato-salad/ - this is an EXCELLENT idea and would go REALLY well with burgers for a week. I think you could easily get away with making this just as is.

http://www.elanaspantry.com/sunflower-sprout-salad/ - SUPER SIMPLE! And as easy as it gets. Grab greens, grab tomatoes, grab some sprouts (good for you!), grab a teeny bit of olive oil and lemon juice, maybe some cracked pepper and you're golden! Serve with fish, I think! Or maybe some shrimp!

http://www.elanaspantry.com/zucchini-attack-summer-squash-salad/ - sounds good to me, I'd do one tbs. of olive oil and skip the almonds. Summer means SO MUCH SQUASH AROUND... should be pretty simple. DO NOT skip the FRESH BASIL. Fresh herbs make food incredible.

http://www.elanaspantry.com/roasted-asparagus/ - so simple... asparagus is CHOCK full of B vitamins (some of the best for your brain and nerve tissue regeneration (makes you stronger!)... it's also got folic acid in it which makes you smell. ha!

http://www.elanaspantry.com/squash-pie/ - I've made this before... it's AWESOME as a breakfast takeaway thing! I'd eat it with a hardboiled egg on the side since it already has eggs in it... but you can make it as is because it makes a LOT of food so the fat gets distributed well. It's great too because there's no fruit in it but it still tastes just slightly sweet!

http://www.elanaspantry.com/bbq-sauce/ - lucky you... this barbecue sauce is SAFE to make! The orange juice will be giving it a little bit of sugar... but you can just take the fruit out of your day for days when you eat this too (especially given the tomatoes)! :) I'd make a big vat of it if you really like it and just dress all your chicken in it. Eat it with some collard greens and plain sweet potato and you've got a bangin' meal.

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/vegetarian-recipes/carrots - so many ways to make CAAAARRRROOOOTSS!!!!!!!!! Go light on the butter with the first recipe and you should be fine (you probably won't need more than a pat of it to give it some depth).

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/vegetarian-recipes/baked-mushrooms - these are fine too! Lay off anything but a LITTLE bit of hard cheese. Just the baked mushroom itself is AWESOME. You know you want to eat these when someone ELSE makes them for you! :)

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/vegetarian-recipes/braised-greens - this is definitely a good way to make greens. Pretty much a staple. You can mess around with flavor. Ginger and garlic with bok choy. Nutmeg with spinach. Stuff like that.

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/vegetarian-recipes/easy-peas - Peas and mint. It's genius. Don't be afraid to like peas! Obviously use less butter.

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/vegetarian-recipes/good-old-french-bean-salad - You thought you would never have a reason to use chervil. Now you do. This is another recipe that shows you how AWESOME mustard is.

http://www.molliekatzen.com/recipes/recipe.php?recipe=mashed_parsnips - you should know what a parsnip is. It's the Beatrix Potter amazingness you need to seriously LOVE.

http://www.molliekatzen.com/archives.php#vegetables - in general, mollie katzen is awesome...

That's about it! I have a lot more - like do you even know what daikon is? And we didn't talk about pickles! - but I'll hold off for now.

Love,

me

After you've done a thing the same way for two years, look it over carefully. After five years, look at it with suspicion. And after ten years, throw it away and start all over.

~Alfred Edward Perlman, New York Times, 3 July 1958

"If we cling to belief in God, we cannot likewise have faith, since faith is not clinging but letting go." -Alan Watts

PS - if I were rich... I would do a lot of things - but I would REALLY want to be able to do that.

Singed hair and mile-high memories.

GO HERE to see what REALLY happened at Tough Mudder.

"Why?

If you're not making much progress, it's time to give yourself a boost.

Remind yourself why. Remind yourself why you chose the path you are on.

Remind yourself why you selected the priorities that you now follow. Perhaps it is time to focus on a new destination. Or perhaps you could simply use a good, clear reminder of what's truly important to you.

Ultimately, it’s the same thing. It can be all too easy to get caught up and dragged down by the day-to-day business of life.

Take time to regularly give yourself the benefit of the big picture."

~OPT - James Fitzgerald, male winner of the 1st CrossFit Games.

So. Somewhere in between the starting line and the fire at the Tough Mudder I got stuck at the end of our line. This, I tell myself, is an ok thing as my feet were not-so-nimbly attempting to miss impalement a la rock through the trails on Bear Creek Mountain. It is also ok because (I imagine) Anna Marra was busy bumble bee-ing her way ahead with Greengas (who surely humbled herself intentionally to walk up the 179 degree "hills"). Additionally, I believe Alyson Terranova was on speed. It's all good though because Ann's on steroids and DT is definitely stealing some kind of GH from Big DL.

If none of the above means anything to you - I hope you don't live near me... because it should. ;)

In the middle of the whole run there was a period of time where everyone was trekking through mud and stones in middle of the woods. The air was bright. The trees were long. And the pace was steady. There weren't that many rocks and I wasn't that tired. There were no more logs to slug uphill, and no more muddy pebbles to grate my knees on. It was just me and the sound of my breath.

As with so many hikes, and so many trails... you spend most of your time thinking about nothing but the next step. You go and go and go until suddenly you're at the top and you think, how did I get here? The funny thing about this thought process is that it's actually pretty involuntary. You're thinking but you're not REALLY thinking... The mind gets a break.

I think it was Annie Dillard who said that the key to getting through a hike was to do this. You never look to the summit. You may look behind you - but never to the summit. The next step is the only one and you can't hate it because it's right there in front of you. There's not even enough time to hate it. This is how you SHOULD hike, she said.

All that said, there's a time and a place to sit still and look around.

Up the first steep hill, Greengas and Anna climbed over some Marines or something to land at the top before I did. Alyson, in true Terranova fashion, steadily aimed from point to point and made it with little rest and little wear. I, on the other hand, took my grand old time.

Because really how many times in a month am I actually on a mountain?

Since sweat, mud, water, and heat leave you with very little dignity, I took to the bear crawl and grappled my way up the mountain. My form was probably pretty horrible but it was more fun to climb and stop, climb and stop...than desperately wish for someone to roll on top of me and take me to the bottom of the mountain so I could opt out (as so many signs mockingly petitioned us to do).

At a couple points on the hill and trails though, I took the time to very consciously admire the growing view around me - the expanse of air between me and the forest below, the kaleidoscope of green taking over the sky.

Do you ever feel an innate gratitude for being alive? Like an almost autonomous love for a moment? I do. I feel it some mornings when I'm given pause on the train at 520am, some days when the air smells like an olfactory love note to the places I've been. I felt that same gratitude even in the midst of my infamous love-hate relationship with exercise-induced pain. You know I felt that gratitude after being partially scalded by the fire at Tough Mudder!

I felt it in Denver too - tasting the most amazing food ever, witnessing my friend's wedding and the way the mountains just blended right into her smile. Talking to an old friend in such an open way I thought my heart might just start literally depicting itself upon my sleeve. I felt it flying cloud to cloud in the sky while reading a book that another friend has given me to take in.

Here is something I am learning about this thing that I have always thought was a good thing:

"I would like to learn, or remember, how to live. I come to Hollins Pond not so much to learn how to live as, frankly, to forget about it. That is, I don't think I can learn from a wild animal how to live in particular...but I might learn something of mindlessness, something of the purity of living in the physical senses and the dignity of living without bias or motive."

-Annie Dillard

I used to think that mindlessness was a big goal for me, a relieving thing. I thought it might be good for me NOT to take a step back and acknowledge the me that was looking at me - for ONCE! But now that I've kind of done it again... I admit - it feels good. It feels a bit like making it out of that fire alive!

What I'm learning is that we aren't pure - there are very few instances where we are "without bias or motive". Instead we are speckled all over with want, need, love, hate, pride, better intentions, shame, fear, and jealousy. The real evil is to pretend you aren't. The sly thing is that the more you think you're in the clear, the more you're not. (Observe Exhibit E-rin)

The key, I guess, is to notice it, to notice that you are bound to want to look back, you are bound to want to look forward and decide what you will do about it. You are equally bound to rock on ahead without a care in the world for a while.

In the midst of your striving, don't count it a selfish or self-possessed thing to need to take a look around and see where you are.

Furthermore, friends... I really don't think we should deny where we are.

Practically speaking, I was talking with someone the other day and stumbled upon the realization that I really begin to feel free of food when I finally realized that whether I ate a ton and gained 50lbs. or did everything pretty right and lost 15lbs. that just wasn't who I am. It was what I was doing and sure it was either making me look or feel a certain way, but it isn't, it wasn't, and it never will be WHO I am.

I think we spend a lot of time trying to craft an image (HELLO MY NAME IS FACEBOOK), trying to add 50 bajillion pounds to our deadlift (yup, I'm takin it personally!), and/or attempting to realize this crazy image of ourselves that we have in our heads.

We chase the damn thing much like a dog and its tail. Maybe even a french bull-dog...with a teeny tiny tail that proves impossible to get. :)

And really, it pays to sit up, pop a squat and assess your surroundings. It pays to think about whether you're saying one thing and doing another. You might need a moment (count 'em, A) to be brutally honest with yourself about just how ridiculous some of the things you expect from yourself really are. Or maybe, you need a moment to say, "Ok - this is the ninety millionth time I've said I'm gonna change and I still haven't... now, why's that?" I find myself resenting that I don't have C when I really haven't ever pictured what A and B in the lovely equation A + B = C is. Hmm...

Don't get me wrong. Doing is great. Doing gets things done (duh). But mindlessness is not the only way to be. Some people need to look back.

Yep. Before and After time!

I recently received a string of emails from a bunch of the women that train with me about body composition and what CrossFit has done for their feelings of body image vs. body function. They were honest, heartfelt, and truly inspiring. This is just a little response.

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Just wanted to say to all of you that I could not be more proud to be reading these emails... I wish that every woman I know could understand what it's like to feel free to move, be aggressive, and (weirdly) graceful all at the same time...maybe that's why I love Oly lifting and gymnastics so much. These women are in a class all their own - and they do not mind being different if different means being DROP DEAD AWESOME!

I came to CrossFit by way of the women of CrossFit - both their abilities and their bodies. I began my journey with no idea about what would happen on the other end of chasing performance. At the time all I saw in my job, in America, and in my nightmares - was death and dying... a slow descent into dysfunctional old age and general self loathing. All I knew was that at the end of months without moving and having to buy new clothes because of post-college weight gain... I had to do something more than just run up random hills and eat Amy's Tofu Stir Fry bowls.

I have always loved moving and the feeling of being in the "zone" as an athlete and as a human being - that place where anything that was bothering you doesn't matter anymore because all you see is doing what's right in front of you. It's instinctive. It's bold. It's fun. It's simple. And the aftermath is a feeling of accomplishment like none other I have really known.

There have been a lot of ups and downs but no matter which way I swing it... here I am at the end of about 2 years of CrossFit and I am:

Capable of doing *almost* everything in CrossFit as rx'd: MAJOR WIN.

15lbs. lighter than I was... and still losing fat (I began at 155lbs. and when exercising regularly would dip to 148-149 sometimes when all I did was run a 1/2 hour to an hour a day). The other day I was 139lbs after breakfast. SO weird.

I wear anywhere from a size 2 to a size 8 in stores (you know how that goes with the make) - I used to barely squeeze into 8s and have to settle for 10s and up to 12s. I actually have LOTS of pants and skirts that I can no longer wear because they fall off me.

I eat bread (usually in the form of breakfast sandwiches), oatmeal, and bacon a couple times a week (don't tell Steve, HAHAHA) but tend to do fine laying off fruit and trying to eat a TON of lean protein and some vegetables a couple days a week. I rarely eat fruit and if I do it's usually one piece - I used to eat BAGS of fruit every day.

I used to hate that I was doomed to never have stick legs... now I feel pretty awesome about being able to run around in shorts without chub rub (YEP, I SAID IT!) and loving the heck out of my now-very-visibly defined glutes, hamstrings, and quads. Seriously folks, it's super weird when you start moving around enough and your calves get thinner.

*aside from anything heavier than repping 185lbs. during WODs and maybe "Isabel"... which is 30 95lb. Snatches for time... but I should do that soon... ha! Also the odd weighted pullup WOD or L-pullup WOD is sometimes doable just smokes me.

Here are three simple things I've been doing for all this time that I think have made the difference:

1. Chase performance, not aesthetics. I've said it before and I will say it again - if you can do 10 deadhang pullups, deadlift 2x bodyweight, and run a 7 minute mile... you are going to LOOK like someone who can do all those things. So just work toward being able to do them and I guarantee you - you'll get your form with your function.

2. Try new things. Whether that's new things in training or new diet things... if it's not working - fix it. I debated with whether or not I should just title #2 "try new things" or "eat your bodyweight in grams of protein and don't drink like a fish". You can decide.

3. Stick to the plan, flighty. I'm as non-committal as they come when it comes to day to day routines and meals - but sometimes... you've got to do what you know works STRICTLY, FOR A WHILE. LIKE A MONTH. That's right. A MONTH. Put your body through a bit of discipline and it'll thank you. Don't be a bad scientist and claim you kept the controls in your experiment sound when REALLY every trial was filled with exceptions.

Most of all, I'd really encourage you all to keep having fun no matter what... untapped potential is a sad thing - but so is feeling like a slave to any kind of training regimen. It's normal to go through phases in your training where you don't feel like doing what you've been doing. I'd use those times to back off and re-evaluate what you want to get out of your training. The possibilities are endless. Competing is fun - but so is being really good at just one thing (rowing, olympic lifting, or just pull-ups).

CrossFit is supposed to be a lifelong way of creating a balanced body and strong mind. I couldn't be more thankful for the life that CrossFit has afforded me - or the joy and confidence that it has allowed me to give other women. I'm not saying I'm done, satisfied, or perfect either. On the contrary, I can't imagine what's next... but I'm totally game. :)